Courage

It's a cold night outside my window. The moon is shining so brightly, that it kind of enlighten the loneliness of the dark. In my room however, I've been stoning in my room for hours, with cold winds blew into my spacious room, and that certainly drops the temperature of my heart. Sometimes it's very easy for me to get into this kind of mood, in a cold an windy night like this. Couple of years living in a foreign country, realised that I might not be alone all the time, but loneliness in my heart everytime. Something went wrong few years ago...perhaps...that's the root of everything. Eventually I lost almost everything. Not even the closest friend of mine can understand how I feel. I lost a brand new bike few weeks ago...But it seems like nothing compared to what I've lost few years ago...that feeling, motivation, dreams, visions, and the courage to keep on moving forward...it took me years of searching, but ended up with nothing. To be honest, I start to question myself about alot of stuff...like what am I doing here? what do I want do? Am I living for others? What's the purpose of my life? Can I be a great leader? Why is that I kept on failing in everything I do? When can I stop searching? When can IT be found? Or how can IT be found? Tonnes and tonnes of question...Eventually the things I treasured the most, I lost almost all of them...My ex-cell group members...we acted like strangers whenever we met one another, my cell member that has the same date of birth as mine,and I've been always wondering how's she doing rite now...one of my ex-cell member going back to her home country soon,and we acted stranger than stranger whenever we met...my NTU buddy during my 2nd year, ended up with total frustration and I ruined our friendship totally...there's still so much more I can tell...but the ending is about the same...haha. Academically? No need to talk about it...it's a failure upon another failure. At this point of my life, life should be meaningless.Why should I hang on still? It's courage...be it courage from my families, friends or church. The element in it is still the same. I am not good in bible verses like the rest can do, I can't talk holy things out of my mouth to encourage others, and I simply can't speak holy words from the bible to correct others' mistakes. But I know the simplest fact of all...even the holiest man on earth need the courage and faith to believe in what He's believing. I am no exception...I know He is the only one I can trust...and I know I can't go else where except to Him...In Him I trust...and I'll continue to pray...and have faith in Him...and believing He is able to restore my life again.